Miracles and Blessings

*I had planned to write this and post it on Thursday, but for reasons that will become apparent, I waited.*

10 years ago on Thursday, (10.21.2000) I was heavily pressured into an abortion by the cop I was engaged to...Oddly, we had been planning on getting married in December (2 months later). I am personally pro-life, so imagine my feelings knowing that I was giving in and allowing this man to make the choice for me because I was afraid of the things he had been saying to me. I don't want to go into the details of it, but just know that I had been afraid of what he'd do if I didn't have the abortion. Now, on that Saturday I went to the clinic and gave in. I succumb to the pressure of an older man telling me what to do with my body. I was 18. He was 23. 

As one can imagine, this brought about a bit of mental instability in me for quite some time. Severe depression, cutting, binge drinking, promiscuity. In that time I was not in my right mind. I look back at that person and KNOW that wasn't me. A couple months after the Abortion, I joined the Air Force. I know I should have actively sought help first, but I needed to get as far away from the situation as possible...God's plan for as far away as possible? ...Japan. Severe depression, cutting, binge drinking, promiscuity; all of this continued for a several years and even onto my move from Misawa to Dover. While at Misawa, I went through RCIA classes and became Catholic. This act in itself saved my life. I know if I hadn't joined the Church I would not have made it...I would have just been another statistic of Military Suicide. I know this. I also know that I had decided that I was unfit to ever become a Mother. I had failed my child when he/she needed me the most.

At Dover, I attended a weekend retreat called "Rachel's Vineyard." There, I met a lot of women going through similar things. The retreat team was phenomenal. That weekend opened my eyes. I was still uninterested in having children, but for the first time in a long time, I started feeling like 'me' again. I am certainly not ever going to be who I was before the abortion. I don't even know who that girl would have become...

Ultimately, I know that it was still the wrong choice...I should have fought against everyone and put the child up for adoption. No one NO ONE can tell me any different. I know the decision, no matter how terrified I was of the cop, was the wrong choice. That being said, it DID turn me into the person I am today. I have gone through a LOT in 28 very short years...And the person I am brought me to my Husband. I can't imagine life without him.

But on a much MUCH happier note...What are the chances of finding out you are Pregnant on the 10 year anniversary of the worst day of your life?!?

Thursday, I took a pregnancy test. Thursday was 10 years since the abortion. I am going to be a Mom! I'm overjoyed, excited, and terrified.

No one can tell me that God does not answer prayers. We have been trying for a baby...And every night I prayed that I would turn 21 October into a good thing. I was TIRED of having so negative of a day. Well, God answered my prayers. Of that I'm sure.

"Blessed be God. Blessed be His Holy Name. Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true Man. Blessed be the Name of Jesus. Blessed be His Most Sacred Heart. Blessed be His Most Precious Blood. Blessed be Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar. Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete. Blessed be the great Mother of God, MaryGod in His Angels and most Holy. Blessed be her Holy and Immaculate Conception. Blessed be her Glorious Assumption. Blessed be the Name of Mary, Virgin and Mother. Blessed be St. Joseph, her most chaste spouse. Blessed be in His Saints."

100 years of voting; 10 years since I cast my first ballot!

100 years ago, Women of Washington State finally gained the right to vote. This was 10 years before the 19th Amendment was ratified, and WA was the 5th State in the Nation to give women this right! As a resident and first time voter in Washington State, I have to say, it's a pretty big deal. I get to vote for the first time in WA, on the centennial of the state giving women the right to vote! How cool is that?!

Jeph and I received our ballots in the mail yesterday.

For the majority of you that don't know...Washington does mail in ballots. Not only for those that are voting absentee, but all citizens. We receive our ballots in the mail, along with a voter's guide that discusses each person, referendum, and proposal on the ballot. This booklet goes into detail, giving the argument for and against a prop/ref, rebuttals and closing statements. It gives voting records of incumbents, and pretty much all the information one would need in deciding which candidate to vote for. Once the ballot is filled out, you put it in the envelopes, sign, seal, and deliver it to a ballot box.

I spent the morning at Winegar's, drinking coffee and discussing the topics with Jeph. We read through the relevant parts of the book and talked over the pros and cons and how we each perceived the arguments. While this was going on, our friend Tiffany and her 5yr old son Keola, were sitting with us. Jeph was able to talk to him and explain the importance of voting. Ultimately, I know Jeph and I voted differently on certain topics, but I have to say it was a wonderful and positive experience for my first time voting in WA.

That being said, I'm still not sold on the idea of mailing in a ballot. Granted, while I was active duty I had to mail it in, but I missed going to my polling place. There's a certain sense of civic duty when you stand in the insanely long lines, get your ballot, put it in the box and walk out with an "I voted" sticker.

Later this week, I will have a blog that touches on the situations that have changed the way I vote, and how I've gone about re-prioritizing the topics that are important for me when choosing a candidate. I don't want to put that here, because honestly, it's terribly depressing and angers me...And my last post was pretty much a downer!

This post I just want to say that everyone needs to get out and vote. I don't care who you vote for (Dem, Rep, Bull-moose, etc) BUT I want you to think about what is important to you...Truly think about it and not necessarily which party you like better...To be completely honest, my ballot is a mix of parties. Say what you will about my voting method, but I try to look past the person's affiliations and vote for those I truly think will at least TRY to change things in DC.

Again I beg you...Go vote! Women need to get out more as well. Here in WA it's been 100 years; but on the national level, the 19th Amendment is having its 90th birthday. Please women, honor those pioneers that have given their all so we could partake in such an important civic duty! I want to see higher numbers at the polls! :)

As always, thanks for reading what I have to say!

This bullying needs to stop *More of a rant than fully coherent thought*

I am sick and tired of the BS. There has been so much more bullying making the papers lately and frankly, it sickens me. I'm not saying that there's more bullying and harassing going on than there has been in the last couple decades, and maybe there is actually less bullying going on. I was bullied constantly throughout school, mostly during 7th and 8th grade. During that time I had thought seriously about ending my life and I'm lucky for a couple really good friends that kept me from it.

Does it really matter if someone is gay? Does it matter if someone looks differently? Talks differently? I think parents need to really work with their children more and discuss with them that everyone is different. Teenagers should not be killing themselves.

Today, I read about a developmentally disabled boy that was harassed on the school bus. What kind of society are we when we resort to picking on those that cannot properly defend themselves? Another article out of Long Island talks of three teens that assaulted a gay teen on the school bus. What is wrong with people?

It saddens me. I understand (more than I can express) what these kids are all going through. I want them to know that it does get better. And for the most part, you'll do better and go farther in life than most of those that wasted their time bullying you.

First Post

I have been sitting here thinking what direction I want to take a blog. I have thought of simply blogging about coffee, but even for me that seems too narrow a topic. Then I made a list of everything that interests me that I can talk about for hours on end. That list was too long. After the list was complete I begun ranking said ideas until my top 5 remained. Coffee, Politics, World/national Events, Psychology, Veterans Issues and the Jersey Shore. Okay, so maybe NOT the Jersey Shore (show or actual shore); but if you randomly plug JS, your blog traffic increases.
     Over the course of this blog I will discuss my favorite coffees and anything related to the tasty bean (which is actually a seed, fyi). I will rant about what's going on in national and international politics and why it seems important. Same goes for events around the world. As Americans, we tend to continue our isolationist ways even in this technologically advanced world and choose not to notice when something happens elsewhere unless it's a massive disater. Hopefully, I can help change that. Then Psychology and Veterans Issues many times will go hand-in-hand. There is a lot going on right now in research and understanding of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), and throughout the field of psychology. I'll give my under educated opinion on these as well. :)

For the time being, I should get to class. Stick around! It could get messy. Afterall, I'm a Detroit Girl. To us, the messier the better!