Miracles and Blessings

*I had planned to write this and post it on Thursday, but for reasons that will become apparent, I waited.*

10 years ago on Thursday, (10.21.2000) I was heavily pressured into an abortion by the cop I was engaged to...Oddly, we had been planning on getting married in December (2 months later). I am personally pro-life, so imagine my feelings knowing that I was giving in and allowing this man to make the choice for me because I was afraid of the things he had been saying to me. I don't want to go into the details of it, but just know that I had been afraid of what he'd do if I didn't have the abortion. Now, on that Saturday I went to the clinic and gave in. I succumb to the pressure of an older man telling me what to do with my body. I was 18. He was 23. 

As one can imagine, this brought about a bit of mental instability in me for quite some time. Severe depression, cutting, binge drinking, promiscuity. In that time I was not in my right mind. I look back at that person and KNOW that wasn't me. A couple months after the Abortion, I joined the Air Force. I know I should have actively sought help first, but I needed to get as far away from the situation as possible...God's plan for as far away as possible? ...Japan. Severe depression, cutting, binge drinking, promiscuity; all of this continued for a several years and even onto my move from Misawa to Dover. While at Misawa, I went through RCIA classes and became Catholic. This act in itself saved my life. I know if I hadn't joined the Church I would not have made it...I would have just been another statistic of Military Suicide. I know this. I also know that I had decided that I was unfit to ever become a Mother. I had failed my child when he/she needed me the most.

At Dover, I attended a weekend retreat called "Rachel's Vineyard." There, I met a lot of women going through similar things. The retreat team was phenomenal. That weekend opened my eyes. I was still uninterested in having children, but for the first time in a long time, I started feeling like 'me' again. I am certainly not ever going to be who I was before the abortion. I don't even know who that girl would have become...

Ultimately, I know that it was still the wrong choice...I should have fought against everyone and put the child up for adoption. No one NO ONE can tell me any different. I know the decision, no matter how terrified I was of the cop, was the wrong choice. That being said, it DID turn me into the person I am today. I have gone through a LOT in 28 very short years...And the person I am brought me to my Husband. I can't imagine life without him.

But on a much MUCH happier note...What are the chances of finding out you are Pregnant on the 10 year anniversary of the worst day of your life?!?

Thursday, I took a pregnancy test. Thursday was 10 years since the abortion. I am going to be a Mom! I'm overjoyed, excited, and terrified.

No one can tell me that God does not answer prayers. We have been trying for a baby...And every night I prayed that I would turn 21 October into a good thing. I was TIRED of having so negative of a day. Well, God answered my prayers. Of that I'm sure.

"Blessed be God. Blessed be His Holy Name. Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true Man. Blessed be the Name of Jesus. Blessed be His Most Sacred Heart. Blessed be His Most Precious Blood. Blessed be Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar. Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete. Blessed be the great Mother of God, MaryGod in His Angels and most Holy. Blessed be her Holy and Immaculate Conception. Blessed be her Glorious Assumption. Blessed be the Name of Mary, Virgin and Mother. Blessed be St. Joseph, her most chaste spouse. Blessed be in His Saints."